Clowns != Sexy

Posted on by
1

So I was at the gym last night, sweating like a mofo and trying to figure out the FM tuner on my brand new cutting-edge-if-it-were-2003 mp3 player. I stumbled along on the treadmill, trying to simultaneously stay upright as well as figure out how to do anything other than autoscan for stations when an ad came on which I’d never heard before.

It was for some sort of circus-themed weekend festivities. At the Hustler Club.

What?

There were mentions of trapeze acts, a special Hustler Ringmaster, circus foods, and also…wait for it…  “sexy clowns”.

No. Nuh uh. No way.

Clowns are not sexy. Clowns cannot be sexy. Clowns are terrifying.

Clowns, it is widely agreed upon, exist solely for the purpose of killing young children in terrible, nightmarish ways. Clowns think puppies are pretty tasty too. Clowns have been known to hide under your bed waiting to grab any dangling limbs while you sleep. Clowns are agents of the damned whose only goal is to brutally attack all that is good and honest and pure.

Sexy? I don’t think so.  I can think of nothing more traumatic than combining boobies (which are good) and clowns (which are scaaary).

So have fun, people who are attending circus weekend at the Hustler Club.  While you’re having your soul sucked out by one of the garishly-painted Unforgiven, I’ll be safe and sound in my gloriously clown-free home.

Still Waiting

Posted on by
1

So, I don’t really feel rewarded or fulfilled by my job.

I really don’t think I would be rewarded or fulfilled by anything that I went to school to study.

I want to try something new.

But what?

And what am I qualified to do?

I keep waiting for a flash of inspiration.

…

…

Yup.

Still waiting.

Don’t make me put you on the list…

Posted on by
Reply

Hello, friends!

I’m an elusive li’l bastard, ain’t I? Just when you think I’m starting to keep to an almost-regualr posting schedule, I run away to the beach for a few days. And when I come back, I act like I’m more interested in playing Rome: Total War than in updating this here blog. Which, of course, I am.

Don’t think I haven’t had the best interests of you, the reader, in mind though. I have been spending this away-from-the-blog time in the most productive way I can; by thinking of ways to make the world a better place.

I present it to you now. My list of ways to make the world better. I have titled this list

THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF (in no particular order)

  • people who back in to their parking space and aren’t driving delivery trucks
  • people who ask for your advice and then talk over your answer
  • moreso if the talking-over consists of what they think you will say
  • coworkers who monopolize your time and then refer to themselves as “your favorite person” when calling to ask for one more thing
  • empty bathroom. guy comes in. sits in adjacent stall. buffer, dude. buffer.
  • that bastard the Dalai Lama
  • (ok, not really. just thought it would be funny)
  • bullet-pointed lists that go off on a tangent
  • the contractors who just poured a new parking pad for my house-flipping neighbor and left all their debris in the alley
  • laundry
  • tailgaters
  • use of speakerphone when not necessary. (the only times speakerphone is necessary involve gov’t experts working to deflect an asteroid or perhaps the ‘phone a friend’ portion of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’)
  • running out of ideas

I’m not an angry man, I just want the world to be a better place.

Assholes.