This has been a trying day. Today was the culminations of red tape and delay, all for a task that should have taken no time at all.

Today the system punched me around. Today I understood how the soul-less, brain-less bureaucrat can become that way. I can become that way.

I understand more now about institutionalized inefficiency, apathy, and insider dealing.

If this is how the world works, it’s no wonder our governments have no money.

Happy New Year.

I hope this will be a good year for the nerd hut, with a renewed focus. But, if my track record is any indication, it won’t be. I’ll try though. I promise.

And now, on to the bitching.

One of the most frustrating parts of my job lies in the interaction with the larger university community outside the walls of the museum. There are good people and hard workers out there, but for the most part I feel like many of them are doing their damndest to do as little as possible. It’s a sea of mediocrity and cover-your-ass. It drives me crazy. It’s institutionalized too. Back in my old life in corporate america, escalation was part of the culture. If you didn’t feel you were receiving acceptable customer service, it was your responsibility to run it up the ladder to the next higher person. Say what you will, but it kept you on your toes. Kept things moving along too.

That’s not so much the case here. I’ve tried it a few times and been swatted down each time. “Sorry, nothing can be done” or “that’s just the process we all have to live with”.

With a few exceptions, I feel like no one takes the initiative and everyone tends to shy away from responsibility.

Makes. Me. Crazy.

It’s funny how sometimes I can feel like a totally capable adult while at the same time feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing and am doomed to failure.

Ok, maybe I don’t feel those ways at the same time; maybe I seesaw back and forth.

Work is good, I suppose, but work is challenging. Right when I feel like I have something figured out and everything’s going my way, something else comes up or is said or whatever that makes me feel like a rookie and feel like I’m not measuring up.

Last week I finally, finally, started to make a little traction with the renovations and the move. This week is the week of visits to the principal’s office. Not literally, of course, but instead meetings called by higher-ups to “touch base”. I hate them. I feel like they’re being called because the highers aren’t happy and I always go into such meetings nervous.

It’s all in my head, of course, but it doesn’t feel that way. I just need confidence.

How do I get it?