Today Has Not Been a Great Day

I think I don’t write here very much because when I do, 99.99% of the time I am complaining about something. I don’t want to seem like that guy, so the thought process often goes like this: “GrumbleGrumbleGrumble.” “I should write about that on the nerd hut.” “No, no one wants to hear me bitch. Again.” “Ok, fine, I won’t write anything.”

So I mentally filter and thus, apparently because much of my mental capacity is taken up by being being generally annoyed, I don’t write here as often as I should.

That said…

Today has not been a great day. I won’t say too much other than this: I don’t think you should be allowed to make a decision, forget you made that decision, get upset that -in your mind- the decision hasn’t been made, reverse your original stance, and come down hard on the people were in good faith taking actions that were in line with the original decision. Make sense? Doesn’t matter. Make’s sense to me.

Fickle, forgetful, and dismissive is no way to operate.


I feel like crying today.

That’s not hyperbole, I’m not trying to be dramatic. I’m not trying to be funny. I tried to make myself cry earlier today and couldn’t. Talking on the phone to emily about what’s on my mind, tears began to come unbidden. Just writing these words now I’ve got a lump in my throat.

Nothing bad has happened, there has been no great family tragedy.

I just feel worthless. I can’t get a job to save my life.

I have applied to pver thirty jobs. I have applied for jobs I am under-qualified for, over0qualified for, and qualified for. Nobody, not one, has given me the fucking time of day.

It was not supposed to be this hard.

I left the last job and moved to Vermont to start a better life, a career that was meaninful and that I’d enjoy. I worked my ass off in grad school to make that happen. I worked harder in grad school than i have at anything, ever, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I kicked ass. I was a fairly awesome student. And I loved it.

All I want is a job, preferably in my field of study, although these days that is negotiable. I want to bring in a regular paycheck and feel like I contribute.

I don’t want to sit around the apartment anymore. I want to stop watching reruns of The West Wing, and Scrubs, and bad standup on Comedy Central. I want someone, anyone, to acknowledge me with the offer of a full time job.

I don’t want to feel worthless anymore.

But my inbox stays empty. I stay in the apartment. Worthless.

And that makes me want to cry.

There Are Indeed Stupid Questions

I think it’s amazing and to their lasting credit that the Binghamton Police Department was on the scene of todays shooting less than three minutes after the first 911 call came in. Binghamton is not a small town and a response time like that tells me their police force is a wel trained, well equipped, and well disciplined unit.

So when I was watching CNN just now, watching Wolf Blitzer recap this afternoon’s press conference, I heard him say something to the effect of  (and I’m paraphrasing here) “Can we second guess how fast they got there? Did the police get there too soon? Did the situation escalate because of the large police response?”


No, Wolf, you cannot second guess. The police did nothing to escalate the situation and acted in the best interests of the victims and the people of Binghamton.

Suggesting otherwise makes you look like an asshole.