In which I wallow in insecurity but you shouldn’t worry about me because, really, I’m fine.

A minor site redesign today, mostly because I was getting bored with the old one. The wordpress theme I’m using is called “Twentyten” and the new banner image comes via a Creative Comments attribute license from a flickr user named ‘BRADYDAWG.’

Renovations work at the museum continues, and is going well, for the most part. I can’t seem to shake this near-constant feeling of anxiety, though. This is not a good thing. I posted as such a few weeks ago on facebook and a college friend pointed out that “anxiety is just another word for fear. So what is it you’re afraid of?” I think he’s absolutely spot on. I throw around words like ‘anxiety’ quite a bit without thinking about what they really mean. What am I afraid of?

I’m afraid that the renovations will hit some kind of deadline-busting snag. I’m afraid some additional expense will come up that will eat up what little remains of the budget. I’m afraid that some little bureaucratic detail will rear its ugly head and delay the renovation progress. I’m intimidated by being the one in charge of the renovations project – I feel visible and exposed. In the financial state of the University, I fear that not constantly proving my worth will lead to layoff. I fear the future. When this project winds down, will it be time to job search again? I hate job searching. Chicago doesn’t feel like home. Is there a place that will? I long for it; I fear I’ll never find it. What does the future hold? No way to be sure? I fear uncertainty. Too often I find myself thinking, “What’s going to go wrong next?” I hate that guy.

So, yeah. I have anxiety.

I fear.

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