I think there’s something wrong with my brain. Years of wide-eyed gazing at the TV and hoovering up any and all pop culture references have filled the space that should be devoted to necessary professional-discourse and career-advancing information. I can give you exacting details about the technical specifications of the Starship Enterprise or I can quote you entire scenes from various 80’s movies, but ask me to riff on the latest trends/advances/ideas in my chosen field, and I’ll stare back at you with a giant gaping hole where my brain should be.
Let me back up to say: I’m not a total idiot. Give me long enough and I can come up with something. I can contribute. Better yet, the written word. I am gold as far as e-mail exchanges go. I can rock me some prose, yes I can. But sometimes – most times – I am not so good at off the cuff.
Earlier this week, I had a meeting with my boss and a guy who is a Big Name in the historic preservation world. He’s super nice, extremely smart, very well spoken, and a great writer.
And I could barely string three words together. I did eventually contribute, but it was right at the end when things were winding down and even then mywordsjustsortofcameoutinonehugerush.
Miserable.
I think the issue here is self-confidence and an over active internal dialog. When I get to talking shop with someone who I don’t know very well and think is as-or-more knowledgeable than me, my brain expends a great deal of effort telling me that a.)I am a moron and b.)the other person sees right through my pretense at knowledge and insight.
So I recognize this, and have to find some way to get over it. I’m sure public speaking is the answer. Which is part of the reason I’ve agreed to guest-lecture said smart-guy’s class in a couple weeks and why I’m drawing up a preservation focused tour of the museum. Like Miles says in Risky Business, sometimes you gotta say “What the Fuck”.